I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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