Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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