this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
