This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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