All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Too much gin, very little bucket
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
