Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
