haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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