Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
