ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is my gift to your gina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
