xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
