Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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