My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
