I bet he comes in French.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
