you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
