perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Randomize
