i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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