oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
