What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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