i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
