You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
