How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
