I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
