just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
