Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
