Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
