PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
