nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
