Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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