we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to make out with him forever
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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