i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
