I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
