Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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