its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
