4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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