dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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