Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
