Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Boobs are out for the taking
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
