its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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