whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
