drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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