wanna go halves on a baby?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're too hungover to prance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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