she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
