She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
