Im at strip club and am horny
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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