For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
