My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
