I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
