We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How naked do you want me to be?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
