My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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