If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
