You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
