Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
