Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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