We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can tuck mytits in my pants
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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